i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
