it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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