i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
