Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
