Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
