i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
