What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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