would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
