She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
