I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
