Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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