I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
