fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
