I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
