For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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