she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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