well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
