I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So here I am, sexting at work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
