So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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