somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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