there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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