i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
