3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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