I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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