party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
