Ambien. No doubt about it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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