Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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