hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
