I'm really into asian looking animals
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
