This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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