I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
