Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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