Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
