elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
