So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
