yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
