YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
