Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize