why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize