I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
