literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
