He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
