Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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