let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
