I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
