Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
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The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
