i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
