I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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