You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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