This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
