U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
