Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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