I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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