I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
