I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
