Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
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I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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