"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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